Becoming a mother myself…
Mother’s day is the one day we set aside to appreciate our mums, granny’s, sisters, aunties, mother in law, and others who play a motherly role in our life. A mother’s love begins in the womb, when you first see the red line on the pregnancy test, the fluttering in your tummy of nervousness and excitement. The feeling of skin to skin and the connection is unreal when you first hold that baby on your chest. It’s so precious, you made this tiny human and its all yours.
I remember looking into the Moses basket when Ivy was just a few days old and being overcome by emotion as I couldn’t believe I could love this tiny baby so much and she was all mine. The same happened with Gracie and Malachy too. I just wanted to hold them forever they were so precious and I remember being so in love with them my heart could burst. To become a mother is truly a miracle I believe. For a man and a woman to conceive a child and grow this baby inside of you for 9 months is truly beautiful. It’s so precious and mind baffling at how nature works in our body’s.
Nature’s wrong turn
There is great excitement when the pregnancy test is positive and we begin to plan out the future for the baby…However silently nature can take a wrong turn and the baby can be taken from you without warning or reason. That is not how you planned the future, what did we do wrong we often question ourselves. Miscarriage is more common than we know with 1 in 4 pregnancy’s ending up in miscarriage. Its a silent heart ache that often women don’t share with the world as its usually within the first trimester. Why God we question ourselves?
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous hand”
Our journey is planned out…
Boy meets girl, Boy marries girl, couple have a baby…this is the ideal life for some isn’t it? For lots of couples this isn’t the reality. I am often humbled thinking about couples who have fertility problems or for whatever reason can’t conceive. It would appear to be so isolating and difficult to understand if you haven’t been through it yourself. The constant thought of mourning that child you can’t have. It must be mentally exhausting going through that and being around children on a day to day basis. We don’t know the plan God has for our life, and sometimes God puts us through trials so we can be a testimony to others. But we’re seeing so much medical intervention these days it almost becomes that anything is possible. I believe God is in control of every situation. It’s sometimes not how we had planned it and we become angry and bitter, but in time it will be revealed it’s not our plan its Gods plan.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
The loss of a mother
Mother’s day for some is an agonising day. It might be the first mother’s day without their mum or the 10th anniversary , but every year it hurts just the same. This special day is a frank reminder that you mother is no longer here to celebrate it with you. You wish you had one last phone call or one last hug. That hole in your heart can never be filled. For some it becomes a day of celebrating their lives. Your mum was your number one fan, right there in the front row of your life. A mother can never be replaced but others around us become a mother supplement. We must bring joy to them also on this day.
Myself as a mother
I love mother’s day, I love receiving the home made cards from the girls that they made at playschool. However I almost feel a sense of guilt as I read them. I think back to the days when I was tired and I shouted at them as they were misbehaving in the bath or wouldn’t put their clothes on as we were in a hurry. I just hope they don’t remember those times.
The days can be long but the years are short. Gracie is approaching school age after the summer I look back and think where did those years go? I have such a bad memory all the kids milestones of walking and talking verge into one. Since becoming a mum and I go through trials with the kids I often think back to my own mum and how she would have done things.
My mum wasn’t the cool mum at the school gates with the funky clothes or the stylish hair. (Sorry Mum) She was the mum I could tell anything to, a comforting loving godly mother. She was and is a strong centre link in our family and she has done a great job raising my brothers and I. When I heard her say those words ‘I know best as I’ve been here before you’ I used to cringe, when she wouldn’t let me go out with that crowd or go to certain places. Back then I didn’t know why she did say no to all those things, now I see through mothers eyes, and all that she did was love. She knew what was best for me, even though I couldn’t see it. I often feel bad for my parents for the teenager that I was back then. It’s not an easy job being a mum as I often am the one saying no, and the kids look at me angrily or with disappointment. I would do anything for my children. I dread my two girls hitting their teenage years! Help!! It isn’t until I became a mum that I realised how difficult it’s going to be for Sean and I.
Happy Mothers day to all my fellow mums and followers. Let’s celebrate and appreciate the women in our life’s. This Day and every day…
Thanks Mum, I love you!